Genesis 4:1-16 (King James Deadly Haiku Version)
King James Deadly Haiku Version (KJV DHV)

Genesis 4 - Service Pack 3.14159.6132A

1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.

1 And so one day, a young McCain took up arms in war, against his fellow man, under direction from a government who had a brutally stupid idea, that in some distant land, Democracy could be installed by application of a lot of bombs and bullets

2 And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.

2 During this war of aggression, McCain was captured, he was held against his will, and he was tortured

3 And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.

3 McCain somehow survived this torture and returned home, and thus, from that moment on, McAbel would be McCain's better conscience, who, like a wise older brother, gave him the wisdom and mental fortitude to survive such harsh, undue conditions

4 And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:

4 After returning home, McCain became a politician, and with the good guidance of McAbel, would denounce torture, so the LORD, the Flying Spaghetti Monster and many other deities, both famous and not famous, both ancient and some forgotten, smiled greatly upon this noble action of McCain and McAbel, mainly because it is good sense not to torture people for intel as they will say anything or sign any confession in order to get you to unhook the electrodes from their nut sack

5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

5 McCain would support the Geneva Conventions, and would bring others do the same, rAmen! But alas, willful ignorance would rear it's ugly head, yet again

6 And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?

6 On one strange day, the most ignorant of the ignorant would arise and take power: the Burning Bush, the most vile, ignorant, coke-snorting male cheerleader there ever was from Yale University, and he would sayeth: "torture is legal if we say it is legal", and that "humans and fish can co-exist peacefully", and that "OBGYN's can't practice their love with women in this country", and many other bizarre statements that no one quite understood, but were equally suspicious of, and rightfully so

7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.

7 This fowl being, who blew upeth many frogs in his youth, and who would later move on to torture people and light entire countries on fire, known as the Burning Bush, Miserable Failure and other such names, would entice McCain to kill his conscience, McAbel, because the Burning Bush sayeth: "torture is good, Geneva is for pussies, now watch this drive", the vile Burning Bush spoketh, and there was a media outlet called FOX, whose pasty faced leader, Roger Ailes, with his minions Hannity and O"Reilly, would be happy to propagate the Burning Bush's willful ignorance with glee, yes, with glee

8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.

8 And so with that, McCain killed McAbel, dismissing his better conscience once for all, and he would embrace torture and all it's failings, he would embrace the Burning Bush like a huggy bear from hell (there are many photos of this), and the LORD sayeth to McCain, is THIS vile and ignorant Burning Bush your brother now? Is the Burning Bush your conscience? Were you not happy with McAbel? What goeth on here? What the f*cketh?

9 And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?

9 McCain then replied: Is it NOT my turn to gain the crown? Isn't that thy will, to get elected no matter what it takes? Did you really expect me to listen to my conscience AND get elected? I murdered my conscience so I can hear what the Burning Bush is telling me, to get elected! Am I my conscience's keeper?, he protested

10 And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground.

10 And the LORD said, Are you crazy? Torture is ok, after what you went thru? Thou has made a most egregious error and flip flop, and the blood of Guantanamo crieth unto me from the ground,

11 And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand;

11 And now art thou and thou political party cursed from the Earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy blood from all of Burning Bush's torture prisons and CIA black sites from all parts of this Earth

12 When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth.

12 And all the good people (not the 20% still giving the Burning Bush a thumbs up), upon hearing this, arose to sayeth: "Bullshite, McCain!", we can see your folly and it is rejected wholesale! Shame on you for discarding your conscience, for killing McAbel just to get elected, for you to get the blessing from that vile thing, the Burning Bush that butchers our language every time he speaketh, who lied us into war, who turns all that he touches into crap

13 And Cain said unto the LORD, My punishment is greater than I can bear.

13 McCain then said, "but I just want to get elected, I have to please my insane right wing base, pandering is necessary, I can't throw the Burning Bush under the bus, principled stands aren't permitted in the Republican party, you know that, c'mon," he pleaded, unable to think straight, unable to see the truth, without a conscience since killing McAbel

14 Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.

14 As McAbel (McCain's conscience) lay bleeding in the earth, McCain was unable to see the depth of his hypocrisy, he felt bad that he contradicted himself and screwed up his chances of gaining the crown, and that he may not get to continue the madness of Burning Bush, McCain would remain confused, but that's ok

15 And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.

15 For the people have spoken 7 fold and turned out in record numbers for the Democratic primaries, and would pummel their right wing counterparts in the general election, leaving McCain to forever dwell in his mistakes, bad judgement and misfortune that he brought unto himself, and likewise, leaving his political party in shambles

16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.

16 And after the election WAS NOT STOLEN in the year 2008, and a good and wise man named Obama would help to bring the people to better times, McCain was left to dwell in the land of the Phoenix, to the east of the Los Angeles